The Shpiel World Word from: Lilit Marcus

A friend of mine suggested that I apply for The Real World. Alas, it would have been cool to pull an Eggers on them and do the whole process ironically, but MTV bought irony three years ago and now commodifies it for screaming teenagers in belly shirts. Apparently, viewers are so sick of seeing the same couple of people (VERONICA) on every challenge that MTV is now inviting common folk to apply for the next edition of the Real World/Road Rules Challenge.

Her suggestion was that I get on the show by offering to be the token Yid. If there's anything MTV does beautifully, it's tokenism. However, this sent me on a kick regarding Real World Jews of the past. Surely in all its fifteen or so seasons of "stop being polite and start getting real," they've included religious minorities along with racial and sexual ones, right?

Well, there's the infamous Seattle season where Steven, a black guy who had converted to Judaism, bitch-slapped that Irene chick and threw her teddy bear in the Puget Sound. He was pissed because she said he was gay. Now, apparently, he's uncloseted. Not sure whether he's still a Jew, though. Later: the Hawaii season, the one best known for DrunkRuthie and NakedRuthie, plus that guy Teck who ended up having a sidekick role in National Lampoon's Van Wilder. Amaya, who everyone remembers for crying a lot and being in love with that loser Colin guy, also proclaimed her Judaism on TV. Apparently she was half-Jewish, or a quarter Jewish, or something like that, and only ever mentioned it the one time someone said something mildly offensive about Jewish people, thus giving her another reason to cry and yell at Colin. Not like anyone needed reasons to yell at Colin, mind you.

However, there has never been a shul-attending, Shabbat-observing Jew on this show. They've made plenty of effort to explore (read: exploit) Julie the Mormon from New Orleans, Elka the Catholic from Boston, and Jon the (Southern) Baptist from Los Angeles, even giving the threesome a prime-time special where they talked about how cool abstinence is. You think MTV would jump all over the chance to make themselves look open-minded and pushing-the-envelope by sticking a chabadnik in the house with a "flamy gay guy" or "angry black woman." Hey, I'd go to the freaking casting call, but they'd never think I was a Jew.

That reminds me. The Jews for Jesus are still ignoring me. They also are ignoring me in Madison Square Park on my lunch break. Further bulletins as events warrant.